Okay, so I could have used this post yesterday. Do you ever have those moments or days when you feel like you could just pull your hair out? That was so me yesterday afternoon.
The day started out okay with coffee, swim lessons (Jax finally jumped off the diving board), lunch on the patio, read a book on the patio (for only about 5 minutes though), and then I made a huge mistake. A few weeks ago, I declared Mondays as laundry and bill paying/checkbook balancing day. Yuck! I don’t mind the laundry part too much. It’s really anything that involves money that stresses me out and puts me in a bad mood. If you don’t get stressed out when you pay bills, then you have way too much money.
In the meantime, Jaxon set up a whole railroad from one end of the house to the other. There were trains scattered everywhere. Instead of being happy for how much fun he was having, I felt myself getting frustrated by how messy my house now was. I should have been marveling in his exceptional track building. I despise that part of me that wants my house to look spotless, and in turn I miss out on fun with my kids.
Here I am at 4:30. See that look on my face? I think that pretty much sums it up. That’s a look of desperation. I was trying to fold laundry, get dinner started, and hold my baby that wouldn’t let me put him down. Usually when Carter is needy and wants to be held a lot, I tend to get worked up, because I can’t get anything done. Didn’t I want to stay home with my kids so that I could be with them? Or did I stay home so I could clean my house? It’s so easy to get your priorities mixed up between children, cooking, cleaning, running errands, being a wife, and of course the obvious, time with God category. As I’m writing this, I’m feeling guilty about my parenting style. Why don’t I play more or just sit and rock Carter? When my house is clean, I have no problem doing that, but when it’s not, I can sit there for maybe 5 minutes while my head is spinning, and I’m thinking that I should be doing this or that.
As I was cooking hamburger for dinner, the phrase “simmer down” popped into my head as I watched the hamburger sizzle in the skillet. I said, “Erin, chill out. Everything is fine.”
Later, Carter settled in for a little nap, and I was able to get some stuff done.
Jaxon even helped clean up all of his trains before bed.
Yesterday was a good reminder of what I don’t want to be as a mom. I don’t want to be stressed out and cleaning constantly. Jaxon is sensitive to emotions and can sense when something is wrong. I also need to lower my expectations for the day. I usually wake up and think I’m going to get the whole house clean and organize that one closet that’s been driving me insane or clean the bathrooms and mop the floors. I am a mom of a 3 year old and a 4 month old. I can’t do everything. I’m not trying to convince you of this regarding me. I am trying to convince myself of this.
Take a look at your life and see if there are any areas where you may need to simmer down.
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